out of egypt, into the Great Laugh of Mankind, and i shake the dirt from my sandals as i run

Thursday, June 29, 2006

wrapped up in books

book the first
belle and sebastian tickets got gotted.

net worth: $0

essie blogged from the line.

thanks for the bandwith, microchip café

book the second
five songs yall:

the pipettes - sex
the pipettes' march of destruction continues!!!

lupe fiasco - trials and tribulations
like all rap music, this song is about my life.

jens lekman - a sweet summer's night on hammer hill
critical moments at 0:12, 1:59

barbara morgenstern - the operator
allergy warning- this song may contain german

beirut - scenic world
cuz you're not really a music blogger until you've posted a beirut track

book the third
today's hypothetical cultural mashup turned horrifying reality

A + B = C, where:

A = garden state, "the graduate for our generation" (or more accurately, eternal sunshine for the da vinci code set)

B = crash, my second-favorite cinematic punching bag and the only film of 2005 that had the courage and the social conscience to say "maybe ludacris is a carjacker."

C = THE LAST KISS, starring zach braff (holla!!!!!) and written by paul haggis (yoi YOI!!!!), and featuring SNOW PATROL in the trailer. you cannot make this stuff up.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


Essie and I are waking up early today to go get Belle and Sebastian tickets. We might be there for a while. So she started a blog:


Thursday, June 22, 2006

the hardest puzzle ever

I need you to take me seriously for a minute.

You need to look me in the eye, and you need to listen to the story I'm about to tell you. You're going to want to turn away and scoff, but please. It is important that you listen to me. I need this.

So the other day I was at a Friendly's in NJ, getting ready to order my usual, the Kickin Buffalo Chicken Sandwich (yes I have a "usual" at Friendly's and I said DON'T LAUGH). They make you wait forever (part of the Friendly charm), but helpfully, they had games and activities for the kids.


I was having a pretty great time finding what the differences were between the two different-colored divers, but then I noticed something. Something amazing , something revolutionary.


also the name of my fave j-porn actress

I got right to work on that shit. But...wait. What? What the fuck!!!!!!!!!! This isn't sudoku!!!! This is something totally not sudoku!!!

Check it out. You need to make sure each row and column adds up to 22, using the numbers 0-9 only once each. Not counting the numbers that are already there! Whatever. You can read the directions yourself. Here's my point:

I can't figure out how to solve this. I mean, you can definitely complete it, after a few minutes of trial and error (as Molly Chafetz did, easily, minutes after I declared it "impossible!!!!!!"). But in sudoku, and in most puzzles that look like this, there's a way to figure it out logically, methodically, without just trying a bunch of possibilities. And when you're at Friendly's, and you only have crayons, trial and error isn't the most attractive course of action. I couldn't figure it out!!

Confession. I was really good at math and logic-related stuff in high school. And then I learned to smoke pot. Classic American sob story. It could be that 18-year-old me would've figured this out right quick, but I got nothing, and it makes me pine for my lost youth (brain).

So? Anyone?

p.s. I'm about to hit my 1000th blogger profile view! a totally meaningless milestone, but yippee!!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

george washington

he'll kick you apart. ooh!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

five decent songs

just kidding, they are all awesome songs!

sufjan stevens - the perpetual self
everything is looooost! oh oh!

the futureheads - worry about it later
i was content with the futureheads being a pretty good band, but this is just chronicles of ridic.

jamie lidell - when i come back around
white people: still crazy.

voxtrot - soft & warm
sometimes i think, if only dan stein respected women as much as he respects voxtrot.

the streets - never went to church
happy father's day

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

story hour

came home restless tonight. didn't want to go to sleep, didn't want to read or watch tv. thought maybe i wanted to eat- went across the street to the bulletproof chinese place and got some hot and sour soup. no good. it was of the too-hot, not-sour variety, and it turned out i wasn't hungry anyway.

it was gross

earlier i'd got a text from dave, subtly suggesting...something. couldn't be sure. it was a cryptic and veiled message.

from a cryptic and veiled douchebag!

so, options exhausted, i turned back here. and here i am. oh blogging, you maiden of the night! blogging, you whore! you slut! slutty whore! whorey prostislut! i forgot what i was talking about.

doesn't matter. so what stories do I have to bestow upon thee, deareth reader? lessee:

week before last, visiting wesleyan for graduation weekend, I found myself drunk under a giant tent with a few friends and a thousand strangers. i had my camera; the stage was set for something to happen that I could photograph at a canted angle.

and that was when i saw joss whedon, wesleyan class of '87, creator of buffy the vampire slayer and firefly, writer of toy story and the dialogue in Speed (imdb does not confirm this but someone TOLD me that!), dancing. not casually moving. DAHNCING (by himself). I snapped my photo and ran.

yeeah boy

for the next half hour i buzzed around and showed the photo to every friend and sort-of-friend i could find. about every third person told me this: "you gotta get a picture of you and him!" a fine idea, maybe. to some. but no. I was drunk, yes, but not that drunk. (wait for it.) YET.

the moment when my hundredth beer began to kick in coincided more or less with the exact moment that joss whedon emerged from the crowd to walk right by me. mid-conversation with whoever, I made a noise ("be right back" but compressed into one syllable if you can imagine what that would sound like) and dashed off to step into his path. and then:

me: joss whedon '87!!! (i swear to god i addressed him like this)
jw: hey
me: hey joss whedon i was wondering if i could get a picture with you!
jw: totally
me: awesome thanks!!
jw: i'm shitfaced (again, i swear to god.)
me: thank you so much!!!

I won't post the photo here, because he looks bad and I look worse. but the picture does exist, and if you're my friend on facebook, you can find it in my photo album. a little reward for being someone who knows me in real life. though if you're one of my readers whom i've never met, i want you to know: i still love you. dearly. if indeed you exist.

and finally: this guy stood in front of me at a concert in new jersey.

click it, it's a movie

i'm hollywood steve, goodnight.