out of egypt, into the Great Laugh of Mankind, and i shake the dirt from my sandals as i run

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

story hour

came home restless tonight. didn't want to go to sleep, didn't want to read or watch tv. thought maybe i wanted to eat- went across the street to the bulletproof chinese place and got some hot and sour soup. no good. it was of the too-hot, not-sour variety, and it turned out i wasn't hungry anyway.

it was gross

earlier i'd got a text from dave, subtly suggesting...something. couldn't be sure. it was a cryptic and veiled message.

from a cryptic and veiled douchebag!

so, options exhausted, i turned back here. and here i am. oh blogging, you maiden of the night! blogging, you whore! you slut! slutty whore! whorey prostislut! i forgot what i was talking about.

doesn't matter. so what stories do I have to bestow upon thee, deareth reader? lessee:

week before last, visiting wesleyan for graduation weekend, I found myself drunk under a giant tent with a few friends and a thousand strangers. i had my camera; the stage was set for something to happen that I could photograph at a canted angle.

and that was when i saw joss whedon, wesleyan class of '87, creator of buffy the vampire slayer and firefly, writer of toy story and the dialogue in Speed (imdb does not confirm this but someone TOLD me that!), dancing. not casually moving. DAHNCING (by himself). I snapped my photo and ran.

yeeah boy

for the next half hour i buzzed around and showed the photo to every friend and sort-of-friend i could find. about every third person told me this: "you gotta get a picture of you and him!" a fine idea, maybe. to some. but no. I was drunk, yes, but not that drunk. (wait for it.) YET.

the moment when my hundredth beer began to kick in coincided more or less with the exact moment that joss whedon emerged from the crowd to walk right by me. mid-conversation with whoever, I made a noise ("be right back" but compressed into one syllable if you can imagine what that would sound like) and dashed off to step into his path. and then:

me: joss whedon '87!!! (i swear to god i addressed him like this)
jw: hey
me: hey joss whedon i was wondering if i could get a picture with you!
jw: totally
me: awesome thanks!!
jw: i'm shitfaced (again, i swear to god.)
me: thank you so much!!!

I won't post the photo here, because he looks bad and I look worse. but the picture does exist, and if you're my friend on facebook, you can find it in my photo album. a little reward for being someone who knows me in real life. though if you're one of my readers whom i've never met, i want you to know: i still love you. dearly. if indeed you exist.

and finally: this guy stood in front of me at a concert in new jersey.

click it, it's a movie

i'm hollywood steve, goodnight.


Blogger Brian said...

"I was wondering if I can get a picture with you?" You really can network like a pro.

This could be an amazing person to know and be able to talk to throughout your supposed career, but I guess a picture is cool too.

6/07/2006 11:29 PM

Blogger notjesslane said...

you ARE hollywood steve!

ALSO I SWEAR TO CHRIST, the secret letter code that i have to type in below is "hekofbi"... AKA "Heck Of Bi(Sexual)"... HOW AWESOME IS THAT! BLOGGD!

6/07/2006 11:41 PM

Blogger karisa said...

i can't believe you spent this much time talking about the joss whedon incident and then didn't even post the picture.
"he looks bad and i look worse" is a blatant lie!! no one could look worse than he does in that picture. so post that shit already! or are you afraid his publicist will find you and kick your ass?

6/09/2006 2:51 PM

Blogger adam said...

you're just pissed because citigroup won't let you access the facebook from work.

6/09/2006 4:07 PM

Blogger steve said...

wait. who's hollywood steve?

6/10/2006 7:19 PM

Blogger Matthew Stephen said...

See, and I got a picture with Mencia AND Mario Lopez at GW's commencement last year. He was getting an honorary doctorate of East Asian Language and Literature for his "Confucious Carlos" routine.

6/11/2006 10:42 AM

Blogger Alejandra said...

I wish someone would send you another cryptic text message...I'm tired of opening this page and seeing that sketchy bowl of "soup."

6/13/2006 11:26 AM

Blogger Quimby said...

ya know, you should be grateful to have a douchebag friend to peer pressured you into awesome posts about soup and drunk buffy the vampire slayer creators.

Where's the gratitude?

Rap niggas is BITCH.


6/13/2006 12:36 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

sloot [sic].

6/13/2006 1:15 PM


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